Change

I feel like there are too many changes lately. I'm feeling depressed and uneasy.

I really hate change. A lot.

People in the neighborhood are selling their houses left and right and suddenly I see us as the old family surrounded by newlyweds and no friends for my kids. I don't know where Tessa will end up or where her road will go. I love living down the street from her and sharing clothes, shopping, letting the kids play, going to the park and seven peaks and Sunday dinners. I might loose my mind if she really has to move away.

I've lost a brother in law. A friend and family member going on 10 years and all of a sudden he is gone, in every kind of way. Even my calling is changing and people are being moved around and the primary president might move. Tjs sister Megan and her family are moving to Idaho in the fall and Chelsea left last summer.

What is going on?!

The only change I am dying for is a make over inside of my house. 

I have been saving hair money to completely redecorate and just the other day I blew it all and now have buyers remorse and feel so out of control with spending money.

And I guess I have been really good at being ungrateful lately due to my complaining about simple things that bug me about the house or that I want to change.

Tj says lets just move. Start over and build a house and do all the things differently that we didn't know about when building our first. I couldn't give up a great neighborhood and area just for a new house with cool things. 

I don't want to start over.

I don't want to be the new guy.

He says lets see how the neighborhood turns out in a few years.

The only thing that would get me to even think about moving would be if Becky and Rob picked up and left....then my world has ended and then I could go.

I have started running again and signed up for my first race. I can't say I'm super motivated or pumped about running yet. It's still dark and cold in the mornings. I think I just need a really long run up the canyon in the sun light with my music blaring to get me excited.

Tessa signed up for her first marathon and wants me to run it with her.

Its like in 11 or 12 weeks. 

Pretty sure there is no way I can be ready.

Which is sad because I would love to have this memory with her.