blues

Today I am feeling pretty blue. Ok well really I guess I have been for awhile. I kinda feel like a totally different person in a totally different world than just a few months ago. I got a nice surprise visit from my friend Kristi Wilkins today. Without even knowing it we chatted at the door for almost 2 hours. She only came to drop off a birthday invitation for Lexi. And it totally hit me today JUST HOW MUCH I MISS HER! I had gotten a card from her in the mail a couple weeks ago telling me she missed me and how she was struggling and how much I meant to her. It was really sweet and it made me cry. I miss having someone to talk to everyday about whatever. I miss our kids running back and forth between houses and always having that go to person to watch my kids when I needed. I miss being that go to person for her too. Lexi is having a hard time and I am so sad for her because all of her friends have moved away pretty much. She cried to me for awhile tonight telling me she wished she had nice sisters who wanted to play with her. She cried how when I asked if she wanted a friend over she couldn't think of anyone to ask. I am sad for Chloe who claims Haeli is her best friend and yet they never play and won't go to school together next year. Chloe has always seemed to be in the middle of friends with no one really her age. Tallie also is missing her friend. She won't reach out to make new and if Elena can't play (she lives at cheer practice) she will mope around the house bored. Kasen even loved having Kinli around to play with. I miss having the automatic 4 best friends across the street who I wanted to hang out and talk with their mom. I also miss my friend Becky. Since she is now pregnant, with twins, nonetheless, I feel like I never see her. It was just months ago we were in Hawaii together. I miss seeing her every morning and talking and venting and running and going to sweaty chix. I miss her motivation to get me out of bed in the morning. I know she misses this all too and her life is completely changing. I get sad that it might never be the same again. So I miss my two most favorite people. I feel lonely and hate how things are changing. Don't get me wrong I am happy and excited for the changes in my friends lives. These are all great things.  Its just hard. I also feel like I'm in a spiritual hole. I am not progressing. I feel like TJ and I are kinda distant, like I miss him even when he is around.  I don't know what my problem is but I can't get myself to read my scriptures and praying is even hard. Sometimes I need someone to pull me up and lead me. Sometimes I wonder where our change is. Can we please get a new job, are there more babies for us? I feel like I am watching everyone else grow and progress and change and all we do is watch.

Swimming lessons and grandmas

TJ snapped this picture of the Cleo and me snoozing on the couch.

Once again the kids did swimming lessons and they all did so great. Tallie pretty much is done and just needs to be on a swim team but she isn't interested. She is such a great swimmer. She also told me today she doesn't want to play soccer in the fall either. I hope she can find something she is interested in soon. Chloe and Lexi started learning how to dive and they both want to take lessons in the fall for the 6 week course. 

Mona had Megans kids and Chelsea and her kids were in town and Sophie was also staying at Grandmas so she invited my girls over for a sleepover. THEY LOVE AND LOOK FORWARD TO SLEEPOVERS AT GRANDMAS! We are so lucky to have them nearby. And I love that they LOVE being grandma and grandpa and love my kids. Mona lately has been in and out of the hospital because she has been having heart/chest pains and pain down her right arm. I cannot even imagine life without her. I am refusing to believe this could actually even be anything at all anyways. I hope from all the tests they have been doing that they find out whats going on and can fix it.

ITS SUMMER TIME!!!

I am SO happy its summer! Happy to have my kids home with me, happy to have the hot sun and no schedules!! I really hate to hear moms say "I'm dreading summer, I don't know how I'm going to survive." WHAT!? Ya it can be hard at time and yes the kids will fight but I will take it because I love summer so much and there is no "having to survive" in my book.

Here are the girls on their last day of school riding their scooters. Its something I will want to remember. I am so thankful I am able to spend those few minutes riding to school with my kids. Once they got home from school, TJ and I were waiting (hiding) with our buckets of water balloons. We get them every year and its so fun! I had the blow up water slide set up all ready to go. Tessa and the kids came over and so did Krisit W and her girls. We spent all day outside. 

 We went to see "The Princess Academy" play at BYU one night with a bunch of people from the ward.

 I love having all the kids up at the counter eating.

 Movies in the backyard

 We've had a lot of family time with G ma and G pa with Chels and Megan in town.

 First time at seven peaks this year. It was perfect and not busy at all and it was so nice for me. Tallie was off doing slides with Jade. The younger girls off being mermaids doing their own thing and Kasen finally wore his life belt thing and was kicking around getting to where he wanted to go and going down all the slides on his own. I basically could have taken a nap:)

 Kasen finally got a big kid bed and sleeps so good now! In his own room! 

 The kids and I took a bike ride to the library. They are so happy they now get to go with me since school is out.