Quiet time

So after a long week of being a single mom and after an exhausting day at church I was ready for some peace and quiet.

We came home from church and I was ready for the "I'm hungry" from everyone all at the same time routine. Kasen was ready for a nap and so the first thing I did was take him straight to his room to lay him down.

When I came out, this is what I saw...

three little girls, so quiet and still, sitting on the couch (not bugging each other) reading.

I made myself lunch, sat down and read while I ate.

It was the best 20 min ever!

Tallie funny

So I think I started the whole getting a donut at Walmart thing when I was pregnant with one of the kids. Let's be honest, I LOVE DONUTS! And I never ever ever get them for myself except for that one time when I was pregnant and now I am stuck with this awful habit. Not every time, but more often than I really should I let the kids (whoever is with me at the time) get donuts when we go to Walmart (mostly to keep them busy and happy and so I can get a bite:). And during the school year the older kids don't ever get them because they are never with me.

APPARENTLY Tallie is not okay with this and she is excited for summer for the very reason that she will now be accompanying me to Walmart.

She left me this note for me on the chalkboard when she couldn't find anything in the house to eat...

I love that girl

New York City!

This trip with all my sister in laws and Mona was a blast! I would be lying if I said that I was really looking forward to it and that a part of me just really didn't want to go. You know me, never wanting to do anything new. I was almost tempted to say no to the trip (I'm crazy I know) because for one, it was over Mother's Day, and two, I knew that I would get no sleep (yes that is a big factor to me). But I also knew that I would miss out on this very awesome opportunity. I mean its not every day your sister in law offers you a plane ticket and a hotel room for a long weekend as a gift. I would have been stupid to pass it up. So I went and had so much fun and I now have some great memories. 

Our flight left at midnight on Thursday night (it was delayed an hour) and no I did not sleep a wink on the 4.5 hour flight. Lucky me. Once we got there at 7am, we drove an hour or really sat an hour in traffic to get to our hotel The New York Palace. Once there we met up with the rest of the sisters. Some of us showered and ate and then we all headed out for the day. We went to the MET, the library, rode a ferry to see the Statue of Liberty, almost walked across the Brooklyn Bridge (ran out of time), went to church at the Temple meeting chapel, went to St. Patricks Cathedral, went to ground zero, shopped, rode the subway a lot, ate a lot, saw the broadway show Cinderella, went to Times Square, went to Central Park, saw very scandalous things in Central Park, things I'd rather not write about, ate more food, ate a lot of tacos at an underground put your name on a waiting list must pass the bouncers kind of place (and we thought we were so cool because of it).

My only regret is that I didn't dig deep enough to find my bravery to ride the subway solo to go run in Central Park on the last day. Very sad. It was so fun to be with Tj's sisters. They are so fun and crazy and hilarious.  I am so blessed to have married into such an awesome family.

Love them all.

I did not love however my flight coming home being delayed 5 hours and not getting home until 3 am (5am NY time!) and then climbing into bed and having TJ wake up and leave at 7am to catch his flight to Pittsburg for the week. That's right, I still have yet to see my husband and even tell him about my trip that now feels like happened so very long ago. But if you want to look at the bight side I was able to go to bed early every night and sleep in since I couldn't wake up early to run and so now I think I am finally caught up on sleep!

Thoughts on being a mom

Being a mom is such a hard job.

I don't feel like I qualify for the job most days and a lot of the time I feel like I don't do a great job. I often go to bed with tears in my eyes wishing I could rewind the day, unsay some things, think before I speak, wishing I had more patience and used a soft voice. There are many times I feel like my kids deserve more, a mom who can love better who won't yell as much or hug a little more. There is pain, fear, anxiety, hurt, exhaustion and sadness that comes with being a mom and trying to raise these sweet little souls. And I sometimes can't believe that Heavenly Father trusted me with the care and protection of his children. 

But I am so glad He does.

Being a mom is the best and most rewarding job anyone could ever have and I am so blessed to be a mother to the sweetest and most awesome 4 kids on earth!

Along with the tears of being overwhelmed come with tears of joy that comes with being surrounded by my kids.

As I laid next to Lexi in bed tonight she says to me, "Mom, do you know why you're the best mom ever? Because you only yell a little at me". I love how she notices the good days, when most the day has gone well and I was happy almost all day. She then said, "I'm so glad that Heavenly Father and Jesus sent you to earth to be my mom".

I smiled as tears rolled down my cheeks.

I am so glad she was sent to me.

I know I am not a perfect mother, nor will I ever be but I do believe I am perfect for my children and as long as I try to be the best I can, they will love me for me.

My favorite quote about motherhood is:

To the world you are just a mother,

But as their mother, you are their world.

Sleep tight

The difference between my girls and Kasen is this:

the girl liked having their babies or dolls tucked into bed with them at night,

Kasen, he like his balls.

He likes to hug them and hold them all night long.

Wanting to run the Y, but really walking it

This morning instead of our usual run, Becky and I decided to hike/run up the Y trail. The whole RUN part ended pretty quick. It was steeper than I remembered and so our legs were burning. It was nice to just chat and vent about life while getting a gorgeous view. Waking up early in the mornings is always hard and I seriously have a daily battle with myself and the alarm every single morning but really getting up early to be outside and exercise and see this before I start the day is awesome. I live in such a beautiful place with endless things to do and see. Whats funny is that I never wanted to build a house in Utah for fear that it meant I was settling down and putting my roots down. But the more I live here the more I want to be here and the less and less I ever see myself moving away.

31 years young

I think the older I get the more I enjoy my age. Turning 30 was awesome and such a great year and I'm feeling like 31 will be even better. Thank goodness TJ was able to find a flight home early early Saturday morning so he could spend the whole day with me. The thing I really wanted to do most was run in the morning. I went with some girls in my neighborhood and we drove to Provo and ran the Bonneville Trail. Its about 8 miles and man it was hard! But a good hard. I had never ran a trail before and this one gave you an awesome view and really gave you some  good hills that made your legs BURN. It was so different and I really want to do it again soon. The girls all drove home but since I am still on the fence about running the marathon with Tessa I needed to run home to get more miles in. It was another 7 miles for me and it was the most miserable, slow, hardest run ever. Had I had my phone with me I would have called someone to come pick me up. When I finally got home we packed up the kids, our bikes and a lunch and drove up to Bridal Veil. We stopped to play in the water for a bit at the waterfall and then just rode until the kids legs were done and then turned around. Everyone was loving going so fast right up until Chloe couldn't put on her brakes and nearly crashed, going very fast into a huge boulder. Luckily TJ was right there and was able to jump off his bike and grab her. It wasn't until later that TJ realized that he had ripped off his toenail in the process. On our way home we stopped at the Sweet Tooth Fairy (my fav) and the kids got cake pops and me a cupcake. I could eat a dozen of those every single day. I pretty much dropped off TJ and the kids at home and then I went flower shopping for all my pots. I have planted flowers on my birthday almost every year. I love doing it and I love showing and teaching my kids. It is something my mom and I did together. She always took me to the nurseries and I was her water girl. Planting reminds me of her and one of the things that makes me feel like a mom for some reason. We went out to dinner at Tucanos with Rob and Becky and then after to see the movie Divergent. It was seriously one of the longest days ever but I loved every part of it and I did all of the things I love to do. Run, be outside (nature), bike with my family, plant flowers, eat yummy food, be with friends, relax and spend some good quality time with my husband (wink wink). It was the best day ever! Oh and Tallie made me paper friendship heart necklaces, one half for her and one half for me, and Chloe wrote me a sweet letter that said, "Mom I love you so much. I love you stronger than the wind, I love you softer than a cloud in the sky". Tj got me new running kicks which I'm so excited to go pick out.

I am blessed, I love my family.