Kasen Jacob Lee

The birth story of Kasen...

I had this feeling that Kasen would come early. He was due to come November 29th and so I thought I would have everything done that needed to be done by the end of Oct. I wanted to give myself all of November to just relax and stay off my feet. We painted the house, I did all my hair apt, I sewed all the crib bedding, I spent hours doing primary stuff, and I was still walking to school and riding my bike 3 times a day to take and pick up the kids from school. I do think that I had something to do with my early labor, I try not to think about that though. I started feeling very pregnant, like I was at the end when I really wasn't. I even stopped doing hair 2 weeks before I originally had planned to stop. I never thought I would go into labor 4 and a half weeks early...

It was 12:38 AM on Oct. 29th and I woke up to go to the bathroom. As I am sitting on the toilet peeing I feel a small "pop". And my heart stops. I knew that my water had just  broke. I can still remember the SHEER PANIC that ran through my body. This wasn't going to be good. I was 4 and a half weeks away from my due date and I worried about the size and health of a preemie baby. I also knew that any minute the contractions would start and I was afraid to feel that pain...I called out to TJ and told him my water broke. It was the last thing he expected to hear. He kept asking in his panicked voice if I was sure. It was a good thing Cody was on the couch so that we were able to leave right away for the hospital. We had 20 min to drive to get to Timpanogas hospital and I worried since I labor so fast that we might have a car baby. Once in the car my contractions started and as soon as we got to the hospital and I stepped out of the car the rest of my water popped and I completely soaked myself and I walked in with soppy slippers. Once inside I was given a wheelchair and taken to a room. They checked me and said I was a 4. I immediately tell them the baby is early and breech (and my doctor who wanted to try and deliver me breech was out of town, go figure) and that they didn't have a lot of time before this baby would come. They told me not to worry and that we had time. All I could do was flashback to Chloe's birth and I was flipping out. I knew that in a few minutes I would be dialed to a 10 and ready to push and they wouldn't be ready for the c-section and they would be telling me to not push and that is the worst part. Not being able to push and go with your body instead of going against it knowing that if you push you seriously endanger the baby. And just like Chloe's birth it all happened again. In a few minutes I was fully dilated (with no meds) and being told not to push. I can remember screaming saying another contraction was coming and that I had to push. Finally I got the spinal and cut open and little Kasen was born at 1:57 AM, just over an hour from when my water broke. While they worked on putting my insides back together, Kasen was cleaned and wrapped and brought over for us to see. He was 5 lbs 13oz and didn't need oxygen and his lungs were fully developed and had no premature problems and he was so stinkin cute! I could not believe that my little boy was here, so unexpected. They took him down to the nicu and I was taken to recovery. Once there they did an ultra sound on me and discovered that I was still bleeding internally and would need to go back into surgery. Once they told me this I just started to cry. I didn't want to go back and do that again. Turns out that my uterus had torn and an artery to my ovaries was been hit which was causing the bleeding. Because Kasen was so far in the birth canal and ready to come out when they did the c-section they had to pull him back up to take him out which caused all of the complications. The next thing I remember is waking up at noon that day. 10 hours after I had Kasen. I had a breathing tube in my mouth and was having a blood transfusion. I was told that I had gotten a blessing by TJ, Thomas, and TJ's uncle Dick which I don't recall. Things weren't really going in my favor and I received 12 units of blood which I think is replacing my body's amount of blood 2 times. I spent 3 days in the ICU while Kasen was in the NICU. It was 2 days before I was able to hold Kasen for the first time. I worried he wouldn't nurse or bond with me since I couldn't go see him and he couldn't come see me. I was in a lot of pain and was miserable. My body was swollen and puffy and my arms and hands were huge. I had a millions IVs and I couldn't move. I had this drain coming out of my side to drain all the blood and fluid from my second surgery. I had some great nurses which I am so grateful for because I was such a wreck. I felt so bad for TJ putting all of this stress on him. He had to be the mom at home, find time to be with me, and time to be with Kasen and with the other girls. I know it wasn't easy for him to know that his wife was in the ICU and his son in the NICU. I layed in my bed with my whole body having just gone through hell and cried all day everyday. I had just gone through all of that trauma and didn't have my baby to hold at the end of the day. TJ couldn't be with me all of the time and I felt so alone. So many emotions were running through me. I missed my girls at home and they weren't able to come and see me. I had one good day where I felt like I could get out of bed and I had a couple friends stop by to say hello (even though I hate visitors and tell people not to come). After that day I went downhill. I was told I needed yet more blood and that Kasen would need to stay for a week to two weeks after I would leave the hospital. I cried and cried and just needed TJ. He came late that night when I thought I would get more blood. I wanted him to be there because I was sick and had a fever and my arms were bruised and hurting from being poked an re poked because all of my IV's kept clotting. I was a mess. All I wanted was a natural birth with an easy recovery. Things couldn't have gone more opposite. The day I was finally able to see and hold Kasen for the first time was seriously heaven. He made it all worth it and he gave me hope and he made me smile for the first time. I ended up staying in the hospital for 6 days and on Saturday I came home, without my baby boy. It should never be that way. It was hard and I hid away and refused phone calls and neighbors and all contact with people. My mom came to help. It was a really hard recovery for me. I relied on TJ and my mom for everything. TJ had to lay me down in bed and I couldn't walk and the dumb drain in my side was pretty painful. I wasn't able to drive and so my mom would take me to the hospital to see Kasen and feed him and I depended on neighbors to watch my other kids. Everyday I felt a little better physically but it seemed that once a pain let up another one would come and for the whole time I was home without Kasen which was almost 2 weeks was pretty miserable for me. In a way I guess it was good for Kasen to stay and be taken care of because I was in no condition to care for anyone, let alone a newborn baby.  I was so tired and really all I needed was to sleep and recover but I spent most my time going back and forth to the hospital to feed Kasen. The requirements for him to come home were to be able to eat orally, either nursing or from a bottle, 8 times a day the full amount he needed. And because Kasen didn't do so well with the bottle that meant I needed to be there to feed him. I started going at 11am and then again at 8pm. He was only allowed to try and nurse 2 times a days with so many hours in between so that he wouldn't wear himself out and burn too many calories. We also couldn't hold him for more than an hour at a time during those feedings so that he could save his energy to eat. It was hard to have someone tell you and schedule you to when you could hold your baby. But as he got stronger the feedings went up which meant I needed to be there more often. I started to go at 8am, 2pm, 8pm. Most days I went alone and sometimes when TJ could he would meet me on his lunch break. We had many date nights to the late night feedings. It was such an emotional roller coaster. Most days I came home and cried because I felt like he might never come home. The nurses tried to reassure me that right around 37-38weeks he would "wake up" and catch on and turn overnight. It was so hard to not be at home to see my kids off to school because I left to see Kasen before they woke up, I wasn't home when Chloe came home from school, nor when Tallie got home from school. I wasn't there to put them to bed either. And then I would wake up and do it all over again. I worried that Chloe would have such a hard time being shuffled around so much and never seeing me and there were days that she broke but it was such a miracle she did as well as she did. I eventually was able to stay at the hospital and do all of the feedings for 3 days in a row. Thank goodness for my mom and TJ and neighbors and Tessa to help take care of my kids and home life while I lived at the NICU. I finally was able to stay and "room in" with Kasen and do all of the night feedings too. And it was true...he finally just woke up and was a champ at eating and was able to eat the full amount on all of them. That morning they came and told me it was time for my little man to come home! Finally my 2 week old baby was able to come home and meet his sisters for the first time and for the family to be together. We still have some roads to cross but it is oh so good to have my baby home! He came home with a heart monitor that he has to be hooked up to for a month to make sure his heart doesn't dip too low (it had a few times in the hospital), we now can make an appointment for him to get circumcised. He had his first check up with the Doc and he has gained a good amount of weight and is doing good but has developed a heart mur mur so we have to make an appointment with a cardiologist to make sure that is nothing and he needs to have an ultra sound done to make sure his hips are not displaced due to the fact that he was breech. It is so crazy to have a now 3 week old baby who I haven't had at home longer than a week. The girls are all in love with him and are constantly lined up on the couch waiting their turn to hold him. He reminds me of Tallie when she was born. Same skin coloring, dark hair, slanty eyes and hairline. He has the cutest eyelashes that curl like no other. I have been extremely blessed to have such great people in my life to help during our time of need. We received meal after meal, flowers and flowers and countless prayers and babysitters. Many miracles have happened and I am so grateful for my loving Heavenly Father who is so very aware of my needs and who has watched over me and my family, who healed my body and my heart. I am so lucky to be married to the most loving and caring man in the entire world. He was and is truly my rock and lifts me up when I cannot lift myself. He comforted me when I was broken would do anything to make me smile and make life easier on me. He was my shoulder to cry on and words cannot express how much I love him. He was the only one who could relate and he was dad and mom when I couldn't be anything. I know how much he loves me and our family and he is strong for all that he went through.