Kasen

 I am in the process of weaning my baby.

And I don't like it.

We are down to just one feeding before bed and I don't want this stage to end.

 I feel really blessed to have been able to nurse my son. Nursing my babies is one of my most favorite things and I just love that bond that it creates between me and each one of my kids. I worried about not being able to nurse Kasen since we had such a rough start. I remember lying in my hospital bed and listening to the nurse tell me that it was likely that I would not produce any milk due to the trauma that my body had been through. My body also needed a baby in my arms to trigger the milk and I wasn't allowed to see him let alone hold him. It had been two days since he was born. 

I cried a lot when I heard those words and thought that I wouldn't get the chance to feed my son. 

Later that day I was given a pump.

The nurses and doctors were surprised at how much milk I was able to pump. Every time I called a nurse in to have them send my milk down to the NICU they were stunned. They were used to sending down droppers of milk from other mothers. I was sending down bottles. It was truly a miracle. The nurses also told me that since Kasen would need to be in the NICU for a bit he would probably attach to the bottle and struggle with nursing.

Another miracle because Kasen let every nurse know that he would NOT take a bottle. Even if it meant staying longer at the hospital he would learn to nurse and he wanted his mom to come feed him every day, every feeding, and sleep with him during the night in a room at the hospital.

They said that all NICU babies choose the bottle because it is easier to suck and takes less energy.

Kasen was a fighter.

And now that he is bigger the time has come to break ties.

As I sit and nurse him at night and hold his little body I am seriously in heaven. This could be my last baby, I don't know, but if it is I don't want it to end.

I don't know if I will see another "milk drunk" baby and it makes me sad because I love it so much.

Last week I cut out all middle of the night feedings and it has been hard to listen to my baby cry, knowing his tummy is hungry, wanting his mom to hold him. I just lay there and cry with him.

It took a couple of nights but Kasen is now sleeping 12 hours of undisturbed sleep at night.

And happily I am too (I wish it were 12 hours).

If it were up to me I could just nurse him forever...until he got big and it got weird.