It was spring break and my best friend, Monica Sanchez, and I wanted to go to the Lake with all of our friends. Most of our friends were boys and no the lake was not close. It was about a 2.5 hr drive from home and we wanted to stay overnight and camp with everyone (note: I knew perfectly well that all of my friends would be drunk and wasted the whole weekend). We both knew that our parents were not going to let us go so we came up with the biggest lie and told my mom we were going to Monica's church lock in and we would be in the church overnight and would play games and go swimming the next day (to cover up for the sunburn I would have when we got home from the lake). She agreed because she trust me. We told Monica's dad she would be staying at her mom's house for the weekend. We were in the clear and so off we went. After getting lost and getting stranded at the lake with no gas and no money with us to fill up and no food and not being able to find our friends with the money and food and camper we thought we would have to call home and have someone come get us. Finally we found our friends and had a fun trip (FYI I have never drank in my life, just so everyone knows). When we came home we got caught by Moni's dad and I ended up telling my mom the truth. She was really hurt and gave me that look of disappointment. I felt awful. What she said hurt the most was that while I was gone, my friends (who were looking for us at the lake) called my mom to see if she knew where we were or if we had called her. When they asked her she was confused and told them they were mistaken and that I was at a church lock in. My friends then realized that I had lied to my mom and kind of snickered on the phone and went along with her and added onto my lie.
The lesson learned: My mom said she felt so stupid and felt like a fool that she was left in the dark and that my friends were lying to her. I never realized why that was such a big deal.
The other night we went to TJ's parents house for a Halloween dinner and everyone dressed up. It was really fun. I had put my hair in sponge curlers and went as "Annie". I love TJ's family. But I felt like the outsider that night and felt like my mom did that day when I was 16. Since Chloe is on her "special diet" Mona was really sweet to make a dinner that she would be able to eat. However there were still things that she wasn't supposed to have. The part that sucked is when the rest of the family started to learn that I was keeping Chloe off certain foods they questioned and (I have tried to keep it on the DL so I wouldn't draw negative attention to the situation) I don't really want to be the Wierd or odd mom who isn't normal or be the food snob. I don't want to be that. ALL I want is for Chloe to feel better. That's it. And I know that I went about it the "odd" way by doing natural remedies and hair samples but I am trying. I'm just trying to be a good mom (and sometimes that means standing in a middle of a crowd with everyone pointing at you). And it just sucks when you get feelings like that from loved ones. I know my family is over the top and focus's too much on the natural way and they don't have a lot of tact and can very easily make you feel small and stupid and that you're the worst parent ever. They don't mean to. Their intentions are good. I feel bad because I know TJ feels like this all of the time when he is around my family. And it's not right. I don't care who you are, you should never make anyone feel like they are lesser of a person. It just sucks to walk into a room and know that everyone was talking about you, not agreeing with what you are doing and you are left in the dark feeling like a fool.
I am only 28. I am a young mom with young kids and I am still learning. I still have no clue what I am doing as a mom. I love them and try to play with them. I try to teach them and discipline them and raise them how I think they should be. But I am learning a lot from others. I depend on my mom to help me because SHE IS MY MOM. I look to her for advice and counsel. I look to TJ's mom for the same. They are both mothers of 6 and 7 kids and have a lot of experience and I love them both and want to be a great mother like the both of them are. I look to other moms and learn from them. I just don't want to be judged or ridiculed by it. I want my husband to view me as a good mom. That is what is really important to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment