Today I had a bad day. I guess it has been more like a bad week. Not sure what my deal is but I have been such a beast lately. Today was especially bad. Picking up Tallie from school I realized that today was the first day where the parents were supposed to start helping out in the classrooms. TODAY WAS MY DAY!! And I left Mrs. Carpenter hanging and forgot to show up. I feel AWFUL. She was counting on me to help with the lessons she had prepared and then to realize no one was showing up. I'm sure she said a few choice words about me in her head (I did).

And I got suckered into being the room parent for her class and I just gave myself a really good reputation. Now I am just dreading the whole year of party planning and field trips. It was a low point for me. I hate being unreliable and having people thinking I'm a flake. My bad mood continued throughout the day and when it came time to do homework I made it miserable for everyone. I was frustrated with Chloe and her letters and Lexi who just wanted to be in the middle of it all and Tallie who wouldn't listen. For crying out loud I made Chloe cry over the letter "U" and now she has a bad taste in her mouth for learning (just like I had growing up because my dad would always get frustrated with me). I grabbed Lexi and shut myself in her room, sat down and started rocking her. I needed some peace. As she was falling asleep I just rocked her and cried. I feel like such a horrible mother/person today. We ended the night on a higher note after I had a time out. We read our scriptures and I felt the Spirit return and we said our prayers and everyone went to bed with a smile on their face. Patience is definitely a challenge for me it does not come easy.

Lexi did learn how to pedal and ride her tricycle today. She is only 20 months and so small its cute to see her ride a bike. She also has been peeing in the potty and that makes me so happy. I haven't been super consistant so I wouldn't say that I am potty training but I think I will get serious with it next week after my race on Saturday.

For the past few days I thought that I might be pregnant. We don't really want to try until early next year but I have not been on birth control for the past couple months because of insurance and I was late. I was a tiny bit excited in hopes that I was because I have been really missing being pregnant and having a baby growing in my belly. I was sad to find out I am not and though it is probably good that we are not yet (because I obviously can't handle the 3 I have in a very loving way) I am still sad.

I'm hoping that tomorrow will be a better day even when TJ goes to scouts all night and then to bowling.

It would be a good idea to start my days with a prayer...