Hair

I have such a love/hate relationship with hair that I can't even stand it!!!! I can't stand the time it takes away from everything else. I can't stand the appointments. I can't stand the girls at the beauty supply or the bad rep that hairstylist get. I hate the trends, old school foils. I hate that I really think that I am color blind and that is quite possible the reason why I struggle so much with color. I can't tell when something is too warm, cool tones, brassy, the difference between a level 7 and 8. I have trouble with the color wheel and what colors compliment and what colors counteract. And as someone who colors hair you might wonder how do I even do it? I fake it! And just by luck and chance sometimes I get it right and others not so much. I hate redos and not being able to create on hair what is in my head. I hate that I have NO LICENSE and that I am having to take all of my tests over and pay a TON of money to get it back. I hate relying on others to buy my color for me. I hate the most that I couldn't pass the dumb barber portion of the test and that I have to retake the whole thing over! I am so stressed and I hate that I haven't been keeping up on the new trends and color techniques and that I am trying to learn all of that at the same time as trying to practice and get ready to take my test,,,again. I hate that I am chickening out taking an awesome balayage workshop from an amazing colorist because I'm too scared and don't fell like I can hang with the big kids. I hate that its $300 which I had saved for but ended up spending that and more just to get my license back and stock up on color until I do. I really need to get professionally trained in balayage and hairpainting and I so need to take a color class. I'll save all the details about the last few months and coming to find out I needed to re take all my tests. I spare you on the crying and screaming and bitterness. I once did feel a little peace a month back about the good things that have come from having to re do all this. Like the time I wanted to quit hair all together and was seriously gonna just drop it but then found out I didn't have a license and that all of a sudden it wasn't my choice to give it up. And then it hit me that I really didn't want to let it go. I want to fight for it and become good and keep up with it and be someone who people actually want to come to.I didn't want to become my mom or my sister not be able to keep up. I wanted to raise prices and have people say I was so worth the money. I didn't want people to come to me because I was cheap and did okay. It is such a roller coaster. Some days I have confidence, some days not an ounce. I guess and second guess and think too much. With all my colors I can go back and say I would have done this, changed that, wouldn't have done that. Never happy with what I do. Will there ever be a time when I can say I liked it all and there wasn't one thing I would have done differently? I feel like I'm back in school just starring at every persons hair I see wondering and trying to figure out how that color was done, what color formula did they use, how could I fix that, what could I do to that persons hair? I hate it and it is so consuming! And the only way I am learning is to follow and read instagram posts from hair people and try to connect all the dots to the new lingo. Many hours watching You Tube videos. It is so hard and I wish it would all just go away. I will say that I have learned a great deal the last couple months and have come a long way. I have attempted many new things and am learning what works and what doesn't. I can't even bring my self to use a foil like I used to. I have completely changed my game from everything I have ever known or did for the last 10 years in the last two months. But it for sure comes at a price. Today for example was a bad hair day. A bad color job. A fixer. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to stare at my own work all the time cause I see these people all the time. And its so hard to have your name all over something and have everyone know that you did that.

Live and learn, lots of trial and error. 

I need a break.