Today is one of those days that I wish I could just erase and start all over. I wish that I had done everything different, starting from the second I woke up. I wish I would have gone running, I wish I would have had control and stopped stuffing sugar into my face, I wish I would have not rushed the kids out to school or spent a little one on one time with Lexi this morning. Most of all I wish that I wouldn't have been so selfish and caught up in all of my own woes and stupid non important things and been a loving and caring mom, because then I would have been in touch with how each of my kids were feeling and I would have known that they needed me and I would have known just how each of them needed comforting. I was grumpy today and I don't even remember saying anything nice really or taking the time to love on my kids. All I did was yell and order the kids around. I didn't know that Tallie had a bad day at school. I didn't know that she played at both recesses alone and that she sat alone while she ate her lunch. What she needed was to come home and know that her home was her safe haven and that she had a mother there waiting for her to give her a big hug and tell her how much I love her and missed her today and that I was her friend who would always be there for her. Instead I treated her just like she had been feeling all day at school. And all of the annoying, irritating things she did all day that drove me nuts was her just looking for my attention, some love. I didn't know that Chloe was feeling low and that she didn't know why she felt sad today. Lexi was crazy tonight and bugging and pestering everyone. She needed attention and some structured play, instead of being ignored all day while I got all of MY things done.
I'm just glad that I took the time tonight to sit and talk with the girls and have these conversations and to hear what it is that is going on in their lives and how they are feeling. I'm glad they opened up to me. It was an eye opener tonight. My kids always need me. I am their rock and if they can't rely on me to be their soft spot to fall and to talk to then I have failed as a mom. I need to give more hugs, more kisses, more encouragement, more laughs and more one on one moments.
I am so lucky that children are so forgiving and forgetful of all of their mothers faults and that they give me second chances millions of times.
Tomorrow is a new day and I want to be a new mom.
Goodbye Facebook, you distract me from what is most important, my life, with my kids, right now.
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