So I always thought that growing up and leaving high school meant that all of the drama, cliques and trying to fit in would disappear too. Turns out it doesn't. Lately I feel like I am right back in that scene trying to find some real friends. I'm lame and I know I should just get over it but its hard.

I have started running over the past year. A lot on my treadmill. I was always afraid to go outside because I didn't want to run into the big pack of serious runners that live in my neighborhood. But finally I ventured outside. Since TJ half the week does not have to be to work until about one o'clock I was able to go later in the morning when the large intimidating crew had already been. I mostly ran by myself but then my friend Becky started coming with me. Then one day I needed to go early to get a long run in before TJ had to leave for work. We ran into the group and got sucked into running with them. (or should I say behind them...they are ridiculously fast). It turned out okay and we started running with them about half the time. I should say that I know all these girls and I really like each one individually but its different when they all get together. Kinda like one big clique in high school that I am trying to be apart of. And they are nice girls. They let me in. But I don't feel like I am really in. I am just running to keep up (and I say that metaphorically too). Why is it so awkward? Why am I so awkward?

This morning my friend Becky Clayton and I went out running and as I walked home (after she went home) I came upon the running group. Me, Solo, and one big group. I wanted to crawl into a hole. It feels like they have dubbed running and that it's THEIR thing and that I learned it from them and that I need to go with them and run their routes at their speed.

CRAZY thing is I DO want to run with them so I can improve my time and speed so I can run some good races this summer. And running LONG distances like 11 miles and up is A LOT easier when you have a group to talk to. But I DON'T want to be viewed as PART of the group and have people feeling like I am feeling (I hear people talking). Making them feel like outsiders. Because it sucks. I guess this is what you get when half your neighborhood are marathon runners.

Like I say, I have made this a bigger deal than it should be. I just never thought I would have these friend issues after getting married and having kids. And it might be different if I didn't live in a neighborhood where there were so many girls my age and all of us stay at home moms.

I just needed to vent.